Magie Hue
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In my thoughts

Being an old soul in a hookup dating culture

Photo credit: Josh Kim

Photo credit: Josh Kim

 

Dating and having feelings is never really easy, it's especially harder when you're a hopeless romantic in an era where hooking up casually is considered normal. Though I must say, there's absolutely nothing wrong with casual hook ups if it's your cup of tea, personally it's just not mine. With the ever growing popularity of dating apps, finding a one night stand is easier than ever as you swipe through hundreds of people and judge them solely on their appearance, causing the basis of attraction to be merely physical.

After hearing countless stories from friends and going through my own experiences, dating in this day and age is a special type of nightmare for hopeless romantics who crave a deeper love. We want the type of love that begins with fun adventurous dates exploring a new city, developing butterflies the next time you get ready to see them, feeling your heart beating out of your chest as you lean for the first kiss, then feeling sparks go off when you do, eventually catching yourself smiling like a fool as you gaze at them, holding on to your excitement to tell your best friend all about them, the kind of love when you open up your vulnerabilities but end up feeling happier than ever. I'm determined to believe that love still exists, although we're often left face to face with crumbling disappointment when it's easier to be asked to come over to their place at 12AM instead of being asked to go on an actual date.

In fact, dating a "bread crumber" is probably one of the most aggravating experiences to go through. You know, when someone gives you some bread crumbs for you to feed and peck on, like the occasional "I miss you" text to keep you on your toes after not talking to you for days or weeks at a time, never giving you a full loaf of bread to make efforts to spend time being in your presence without expecting anything at the end of the night. When you're dating a bread crumber, there's usually no real communication had, it's all fun when you hang out, you're holding hands like you're together, but you're not even sure what you are to them or if they're seeing other people. You fear the drama of confrontation because maybe you're being too straight forward and there's a possibility they'll run away. Asking for a text back seems too much to ask for, but you'll make excuses in your head as to why they aren't texting back. The truth is, nobody is too busy to take days, let alone hours, to text back. Texting literally only takes a few seconds to respond. 

Not to mention there are some ridiculously dumb rules to follow like:

  • Don't double text. If you do, it must be after the "nap period" where you must wait a few hours before double texting. They could potentially be taking a nap during this period and you don't want them to wake up to your double texts and looking too needy.
  • Don't be the first person to text them the next day.
  • Wait longer to text back than they previously took to text you back.
  • Act like you're not interested when you actually are.

I don't know about you, but I think playing mind games while dating is a complete waste of time, but perhaps being too straightforward isn't the best approach either. I'd honestly rather get punched in the face than catch feelings for a person who doesn't give a single care about me. Maybe I've been confronted by one too many situations where all a guy wants is to get me in their bed. When this happens, sirens immediately go off in my head with signs saying, "WARNING. DANGER. EVACUATE NOW." to prevent myself from going through emotional drama all together. When all you seem to be good for is being objectified for sex and likened for your physical appearance rather than what's in your mind and soul, it feels as if you have nothing else to offer or aren't worth getting to know. You might end up feeling profoundly down on yourself for not being enough other than sexual pleasure, leaving you wanting what you can't have, a real emotionally invested relationship with them, even when you know they would never be able to deliver. 

As a person who can smell a bread crumber from a mile away, my advice is if you don't want to deal with them, don't. Never be afraid to speak your mind or be embarrassed to tell them how you feel. Do what makes you feel better and stick up for yourself. Love does exist out there, and when you do find it, it'll be worth the wait. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone, what's a few years without them going to be right? Avoiding someone you know isn't right for you means you're a step closer to finding someone who is. In the meantime, spend time solidifying your friendships, and most importantly, take time to date yourself.

 
Magie Huedating, romance